Back in church today, I was feeling lots of intense feelings and Dianne walked in and sat down in the pew in front of me and asked how I was. I said, "OK!", but I wasn't really OK and somehow I sensed she wasn't either. I kept thinking about things to say to her but something stopped me. She has suffered a loss this year as well, (her mother) and I know all too well how the grief can creep up on you when you least expect it! I think whenever life intensifies it's energy, such as the changing of a season, the intensity of grief rises with it! It must be the forces of nature that connect everything in the cosmos! The music today that accompanied the candle lighting portion of the service was just so moving, so spiritual, so connected that I fought back tears through the whole thing. Then when it was time for THE PASSING of Christ's PEACE Dianne turned towards me in tears and we embraced and shared a moment that while emotional and sad, was also healing and connected to everything, including the message surrounding the candle lighting, which was that commitment can be expressed without words and that sometimes words are not even adequate to express the spiritual (especially grief which is the most spiritual thing that has ever happened to me.) Dianne and I shared a spiritual moment that cannot be explained and I am glad she was there to share a moment of grief in the process of healing. A process that we have no control over!
The picture that I am posting of Vicki and Bailey and was taken at church. Last Sunday a member gave it to Bailey and he gave it to me. It took me 15 minutes to gather myself and even know what was going on around me! I think the idea of Vicki not being here for Bailey and his loss of her hurts my insides the most. He loves her sooo much! All of this leads me to two places....first is a poem I wrote (I know this sounds strange but it is VERY true) in a dream! It fits perfect here and probably why it drifted into my brain....It was written at a time when I did lots of poetry writing and of course the more you write the easier it gets. I woke up one night and just wrote it down. It was written on October 16 and 17. 1977.
A SPIRIT IS BORN
The dawning of Autumn ignites the delight,
with leaves descending in colorful flight.
Growing and expanding tp joyous heights,
Christ's spirit brightens each and every light.
I think this next song ties into today and even today's church service. Being child like, commitment, healing....and with lines like LOVE IS A PROMISE, LOVE IS A SOUVENIR. ONCE GIVEN, NEVER FORGOTTEN, NEVER LET IT DISAPPEAR! And speaking of my sleep issues....HOW IT MAKES ME WEEP, CAUSE SOMONE SENT MY SOUL TO SLEEP! Tears for Fears..Advice for the Young At Heart!