Friday, October 30, 2009

This Time!

At this time last year, in fact one year to the day yesterday,Vicki and I went to see Bailey's school band Halloween concert. What sticks in my mind is that Vicki was really starting to feel poorly. She had gotten very weak, much like she was before she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. In fact, I had to drive her right to the door and drop her off and then go and park the car. We live only 5 minutes (walking) from the school! Well, I guess what I am saying and feeling is that this event really marks the beginning of a very challenging and difficult time. In therapy I asked my therapist what I have to be positive about and she said, "You have a future!" So very true and there have been moments where I feel optimistic and positive about life. It is like I have been a zombie for the last year, alive yet comatose, hyper-aware, but sleepy, living life but not feeling truly alive. Dealing with death is such a powerful force. It it is the ultimate reminder of how powerless we can be and that we understand so little. I have truly been on a voyage that I never bought a ticket for (Night Sea Journey). So now I live in the push and pull of going forward, but having these vivid memories that are burned into my mind. It isn't that I want to forget at all , nor am I trying to avoid the feelings in any way. It is all a part of this journey. Anyhow, Bailey was supposed perform in this years Halloween concert last night, but it was cancelled due to the fact that so many students and adults have been sick in our school. This week more than 28% of our students have been absent with various illnesses but most with the flu (some with swine flu).

The picture I have posted above is of the very best costume Bailey ever wore for trick-or-treat! Vicki found the instructions for making it in Family Fun magazine and I made it. Bailey got chased by dogs in the neighborhood because they thought he was really being carried by the SCREAM character. The other picture was taken just minutes ago and as you can see Bailey is wearing Michael Jackson's jacket and he is going to be in tonight's Halloween parade with his school as a Michael Jackson/Thriller dancing zombie!!

I want to post the song, THIS TIME from the movie August Rush. The movie was a favorite of Vicki's and is full of emotion and memory for me. In fact, this movie is part of the inspiration for a video I am planning to make using my home video and tons of pictures I took over the years!The video will be a kind of elongated blog entry full of pictures and video (art). This movie and music brings me to deep gut level tears! The song is performed by the actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

This movie has great music and I think it conveys the message that has been swirling around me for some time now! "Truth can only be expressed aesthetically--in story, picture, film, dance and music." Music has always been a life saving part of my life. Without it I would not be here! The movie ends with...THE MUSIC IS ALL AROUND US......ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LISTEN! This song works for me...

So if you love music....if you believe in magic, love, hope and know there is power in secular as well as sacred things...WATCH THIS MOVIE! The next quick song shows the diversity of music as well as amazing youth talent in this film!


  1. Nice post - sea life pictures ..Keep Posting

    sea life pictures

  2. Very clear and moving post about where you are at this time of year - in your heart, too. You always nourish me with your clarity, tender honesty and commitment to keep going deeper even when the night sea journey is mostly unclear.