This is my first blog entry in over six weeks. This fact alone speaks to how busy I have been. Well, it is the end of the school year and I am grateful for some time to rest and hopefully do some work around the yard and house! It has been about 18 months since Vicki died and of course I think about her everyday! This time has left me with some pervasive feelings that I do not understand at all. My self-esteem seems to be at an all time low! For some reason I feel unattractive, undesirable, and at times unmotivated. Here I sit at the computer and I feel like I should be more upbeat, but I am not. That doesn't mean that I never feel optimism, because I do. The optimism never stays long and in some way I feel buried by the responsibilities of life! I know.....if you want to feel good and upbeat about this day, my blog may not be a good read! These are strange feelings since my school year, which was a ton of work, went well. I escaped any sort of lay-off or reassignment and established some good working relationships. I even got to present video book reports at a staff meeting that my class completed as a final project. I was so proud of them. They picked great music by artists such as the Beatles, Lady Antebellum, One Republic, Michael Jackson and more as thematic backdrops to a pretend movie trailer advertising the wonderful novel, Bud, Not Buddy! Maybe some rest and time for reflection can help to lift me up! I was driving home the other day listening to XM satellite radio thinking some deep thoughts and a song came on a channel that I rarely listen to. The channel is called The Loft and it was just the perfect song about summer and light and how that makes us feel, but it also has a second level that I think you might understand. It is called Comeback (Light Therapy) by Josh Rouse. I made a quick, silly video to go with the song for upload....Lastly, Bailey and I had to deal with a very evil, mean spirited accusation her
e in our neighborhood that left us both dumbfounded and hurt. I cannot go into it in this blog, but can only say it is the very worst thing that has happened to us since Vicki's death! The accusation was unequivocally proven false, but it does prove how misguided people who claim to care can be. We will do our best to put it behind us, but it will much more difficult for Bailey! I feel a strong sense of irony about the support Bailey and I have received since Vicki died. It has come from places I did not expect, and the people I expected to be caring and supportive have vanished or proven to be unable to be present in any way. Oh well! On with summer and trying to enjoy life! We need smiles and laughter, adventure and magic, kindness and empathy!How about one more song! I was listening to an XM channel that was doing an all time 80's best summer song count down and this song was near the top...
I want to post one more song for two reasons. The first is that after listening to the Bananarama song above I remembered that this next song was a favorite summer song of Vicki's from the 80's. The second reason is that tomorrow JUNE 22, 2010 would have been our 24th wedding anniversary! The actual music video is banned from embedding by EMI so I had to use this video that someone else made.
well... a deep and honest posting after a long, hard haul: glad to hear the music and read some of your thoughts. now that summer is here - and once you get a little rest - perhaps we'll talk again more deeply. these are, indeed, strange and hard times.
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