Some things are just too hard to ignore as we live our lives! I spent a lot of time yesterday in therapy discussing my feelings and how crazy my life is. Loneliness,and how my new job, on top of this new life, has really robbed me of so many things that I enjoy doing (including being the parent I'd like to be). My therapist talked about our culture and how we are not a very nurturing one! She observed that mourning, taking care of the house, life, and Bailey alone would be enough..a full life! The message in this country is to be a tough individual, work hard to buy things, and the tough go it alone. Work hard and everything will work out! No one at work sees me as I really am. In fact, overall most people don't, which only adds to the burden! We talked about other countries with much different attitudes. In some places, I would have been allowed time off to mourn and regroup as a result of public policy and as my therapist said, "You have literally been born into a new life!" and that birth was and is just like labor, painful and forced into a cold world with tears and fears. Yes, in the long run the process can become joyful and fulfilling with a new life built upon the previous one. Not really replacing it, but evolving from it, never forgetting what once was. Now, I did get time off after Vicki died, but only time that I had worked for and earned, not time as a result of any understanding of what THIS JOURNEY is about! I am grateful that I had the time I did and for sure it was more than most people get in this culture with it's emphasis on violence, war, and force, as opposed to kindness, caring, peace, love, and understanding!
Then I went home and read the Blog, WHEN LOVE COMES TO TOWN, (the link to this blog is in my side bar) and in a familiar pattern that I feel has been happening to me for at least two years...major synchronicity! Here are a few lines from Rev. Lumsden's blog post.....
Now here’s the thing: NOBODY can do this all by themselves. One of the key truths for making sense of the darkness and finding value and even healing from our suffering is that we all need help. We need some evidence that Christ really is with us on the journey through our darkness. You see, there is an unholy and dangerous lie that most of us have accepted and affirmed – often without really knowing it – that sounds something like this: God helps those who help themselves. • Have you heard that before? It isn’t true – completely – and doesn’t even come from the Bible. Like I’ve said before, this is an aphorism from St. Ben Franklin – who was a wise old dude – but not a spiritual master.
You see, there it is, that cultural attitude of rugged individualism that we can only survive a Dark Night of the Soul on our own. The Rev. Lumsden goes on....
Do you grasp the difference? If all we know is the command to tough it out in private all by ourselves, you can bet that we will become deaf to the Lord’s sweeter but more quiet song...
You won’t hear that promise outside of worship, my friends. It just isn’t a song that is celebrated in our popular culture. The wisdom of our consumer society is if you work hard enough – and pay dearly enough – you can get everything you want and need. And if you don’t… you are a loser.And that is why our tradition reminds us that in order to make it through the valley of the shadow of death, we need -SPIRITUAL HELPERS-wise helpers – to serve as Christ to us in our need. Without them, we’re sunk. And one of the most blessed things you can do for another is journey with them through hard times.
I think most people have kind hearts, but the difference is like a person who buys you a nice gift, but one they think is cool and you might like, as opposed to a gift that is the result of listening, knowing, being present, and connected, and something you truly need and will enjoy! Ultimately, we have a culture driven by "selfness" and a desire for things we don't really need!
Here is the Link to Rev. Lumsden's sermon..... http://rj-whenlovecomestotown.blogspot.com/2009/11/spiritual-friendship-as-evidence-in.html
I also have to say that Rev. Lumsden (RJ) has been a spiritual friend and it is a strange thing only because it feels so foreign to me. In other words, I recognize it because it is so very different and good!
Here is a perfect song by what has been the perfect group the last 18 months. Maybe it is just the way I see it, or this song fits this perfectly. I love music..I love the vocals..I love another Toad song. I am also posting the lyrics...
Lines of people to pass you by
Posing sympathy with their whitewash eyes
With the ladies feigning their mourning cries
And the men shaking hands:
All the pictures in your mind
As you're passed the thousandth time
Listen to sympathetic lies
As their reasons change under mourning guise
With the gentlemen feigning sorrowed sighs
And drinking champagne:
As all the people pass and pose
You hold back the tears
And hold onto memories
Small talk hangs like a dirty cloud
Saying nothing real but deafening loud
An urge to run away from the crowd
And mourn all alone:
Make a promise to no-one
Wondering if you'd been worthwhile
Turn away from the chatter
And the hungry smiles