Everything is Everything??

So, here I sit alone...Bailey is doing a sleepover in the neighborhood with a few friends and I am in the middle of two weeks of the most intense sadness I have felt since Vicki died. In part, I think it is because life has gone on, routines have formed and loneliness and sadness is all I feel. It is like I am feeling the pain for the first time! Denial is gone and all that is left is this container that has me imprisoned in this life changing journey! People expect me to be OK and I am not. The sky is still blue but different. The sun shines but it just isn't as bright. It takes a lot to get through a day. Sometimes I sit and think about what I need to be doing for an hour before finally moving. I come home from teaching and nap for an hour or so. A teacher colleague read my blog and felt like she should apologize because she worried that maybe she was insensitive because she realized she assumed everything was OK for me and that I moved on. I've thought a lot about Springsteen's album, The Rising, and the song You're Missing. In it he talks about Everything being Everything...but you're missing! So much is the same but your life is upside down. This is truly a strange journey. For me death is so mind boggling and confusing in some way!



This Cd was such an emotional healing sound for me after 9-11.......

I remember the emotion of songs really giving me outlets for my emotions as a kid. It was like I could feel the pain or sadness in a song even if the lyrics in no way connected to my circumstances even when I was very young....with no one to talk to about life in an alcohol ravaged home and probably no real understanding about what was happening to me music was my friend. This stuff wasn't something to talk to others about, but songs really provided a way to feel safely! I remember listening to and loving the Everly Brothers and one song in particular..CRYING IN THE RAIN. I remember tears and deep soulful connections to songs like The Poor Side of Town by Johnny Rivers...




I still feel the same today when I hear this song...music is so amazing...I know it saved my life! This so song is sooooo perfect.